Quandary

Black or White

No more grays
Give me black or white
Hot or cold
Dark or light

Lukewarm days
And mild nights
Medium haze
No wondrous sights

Strengthen my love
Or take her from me
Remove the doubt
Or let me flee

No more grays
Give me passion and peace
From hell's mediocrity
Grant me release

Dating a Woman on Probation

It started with a jello mold
At a cookout in summer
For a few not-so-close friends

Then I wrote her a poem
One I could never reveal
Not an uplifting poem
But one that spoke of her miseries
Trapped for a time
In servitude to substances
Mind-altering and mind-numbing

But that was then
And a few months later
She's a brand new person
At least to the casual observer
But in my observations
I'm not often casual
So I know better
But choose to set aside that knowledge
For the sake of the hope
Of another date

Our first date was a soup date
Split pea with ham
I ate most of it
Froze the remainder
She didn't have time that day
To sample our soup
The anklet she wore
Summoned her home
Still in servitude
No longer to substances
For the time being
But still in servitude
To a past she's still paying for

She brought her baby to the second date
A cute little guy
I spent more time with him than with her
As she baked cheesecake
That I didn't get to sample
The clock again
Not on our side
The curfew intruded
On what might have been

Maybe we'll have a little time
The third time around
But more likely
The past predicts the future
And I'll not sample her dishes
And she'll not sample mine
As I enter into her servitude
For the hope
Of one more date

Lost

Fate’s violent collision
Nagging at the lost soul
He wanders the busy streets
Lost in his doubts

Disconnected, Connected

Alone yet again
Tempted by desire’s traps
Disoriented in the dark night
Wondering and wandering
Pain manifests deep within
Boiling threat of loss rising
Disconnected words
Unconnected souls
Riding again alone
In the final dark night
And
It is finished

Shining in the night
Beam of light appears
Angels’ precious song
Accompanies the radiant glow
Life manifests deep within
All is restored
Connected words
Connected souls
Riding forever together
In the dawning moment of love
And
It begins anew

Cold Winter Winds

cold winter winds
the ground is frozen
and so is the heart

a moment's reflection
thoughts arrive from within
and from without
and from that place that is neither

from above the clouds
the winds are given form
in the formless particles
too small to be seen

cold winter winds
from one lost for a time
wandering
disbelieving
swept away by the free moving air
swept away by a world in darkness

love will never wane
even amidst struggles
begging to be heard
while pushing away

nearly grown
but still a child
lost in selfsame shame
lost in memories of good and evil
lost in the darkness of the grudge
moved only slightly by the winds

cold winter winds
freeze the tears to the cheek
in acceptance
of creation

cold winter winds
forever touching the deep frozen chambers
of two hearts unwilling
to beat as one

Darkened Eyes

alone in this once darkened room
awaken the terror of gloom

salvation of one perfect child
peaceful and perfect and mild

gone in the blink of an eye
no clear apparent cause why

alone with his once darkened eyes
remembers the phoenix’s rise

wonders the time he went wrong
looking for clues in a song

gone in the blink of an eye
heard in the sound of her sigh

Once a Poet

Once, she was a poet
Vibrant, flowing, stream
A wide river of flow
White water at the rocks

The great heights of joy
Soaring over snow-capped peaks
The lowest forms of misery
Valleys, oppressive with heat

Repulsed by the thought of life
Normal and peaceful and calm
The quiet to her was deafening
Afraid of the promptings of mind

Healing, one day, found her
Just after the bottomless pit
Was found to indeed have a bottom
She took a hiatus and sat

She woke from the horrific dream
Healed and at peace with herself
She wrote, that day, her last poem
Smiled through the ironies lost

Once, she was a poet
Today she is alive
A different sort of living
In love with all that’s inside

Waiting

She wanted to believe
That everybody lied
She was still a prisoner
To so many old beliefs
Crafted from years of survival
She knew not the way out
A painful peril to watch

He wanted to set her free
But free she would not be
Until some mythical future
When the birds flew from a sunrise
Emblazoned with the Passion
Of a rising sun
Burning away the rising sin
That held her prisoner

She wanted to believe
That she knew the way
But the way was not her way
She enjoyed dreaming of it
But chose not to walk it
She chose the familiar pains
Of the old beliefs
That kept her wounded
For all the years of her life
And held her wounded
Still today

He watched as the distance
Failed to diminish
He watched as the days turned to seasons
The seasons to years
Forever was very far from today
And no one can wait forever

She wanted to believe
That she would one day heal
But as he watched
That day never arrived

He wanted to believe
In the beauty of destiny
But the days stretched on
Into the dim hell of forever

Distractions

I try and distract myself
Over and over
With an early morning bird's song
With a strong cup of coffee
With plans for a too busy day
I try and distract myself
But I keep thinking of the moments

You wore a plastic ring
On the third finger
Of your left hand
Not gold, not a traditional wedding band
And no engagement ring, no diamonds
I tossed the idea around my head for months
Of asking you just one simple question
Something like "do you feel it too?"
But you wore a ring

I sat near you at the bistro
About a year ago now
You kidded about going out
You and me and a few others from our little group
I was so close, so many times
To asking one simple question
"Do you feel it, too?"

I try and distract myself
But as read about Annie and Will
As I read about bar napkins
And mirrored walls
As I read about telling lines
Starry nights and first kisses
Distracting myself becomes
More difficult
More difficult

Whisper

wicked aftershocks
befall the quiet visitor
alive in the tempting
engrossed in the fire
celestial
virtuous
vicious
nimble

writhing in the mystery
tempted by the fall
taken in wholeness
taken true and all

a whisper in the dark
a voice of calming truce
awake another moment
these instants spent in you